Music to Date By
Music to Date By
Dates come in all shapes and sizes. There are dinners, movies, concerts, bars and clubs, family events, parties, and such. And you really don’t need to be concerned about music for these dates. It is supplied by the venue.
- At an upscale restaurant, there may be strolling musicians, or a small quartet, usually playing “elevator” music, or quiet tunes from days gone by. At more average eateries, you’ll usually find some kind of background music, usually “canned.”
- At movies, there are soundtracks, and bringing your own music would probably be frowned upon
- Bars and clubs have DJs or live bands. If it happens to be karaoke night, you can bring your singing voice
- Family events: Here’s a quandary. You might want to bring your favorite playlist, but will Aunt Martha really appreciate it? And then there’s Uncle Harry who plays the piano while everyone gathers around and sings the “old favorites.” If the event is a wedding, music will be supplied, hopefully some you will enjoy.
- Parties usually have pre-planned music. On the other hand, take that playlist. You just never know. If it’s a smaller affair, everyone can share.
There are lots of dates, though, where you will want to supply your own music. It just naturally enhances the mood of the moment. But before we get into all of that, let’s unpack why music has such an impact on us.
The Power of Music
Not all that long ago, 2009 actually, archeologists were excavating a cave in Germany and uncovered a flute that was actually carved from a vulture’s wing bone. It is now believed to be the oldest instrument known to mankind – 40,000 years old, to be exact.
So, we know that people made music at least that long ago. And we also know something about why people play and listen to music. The overall power of music lies in the fact that music has benefits for individuals and for the collective whole of specific communities – it improves our mental, physical, and emotional health.
Benefits to the Collective
Anyone who has studied Maslow’s hierarchy of needs understands that once physical needs are satisfied, there comes the need to belong – a social connectedness to others.
And according to those who study evolution, music was a tool that was used to communicate and connect with others or our species, going all the way back to tree dwellers who chirped to one another.
Music unites people to satisfy that need pointed out by Maslow. Think about it.
National anthems and other patriotic music unite people of a country. They have served to bring people together in times of war and even to spur aggression and hate.
Protest songs unite groups of people in common causes. “We Shall Overcome” comes to mind, but there are many others. Consider “When the President Talks to God” by Bright Eyes or “Transgender Dysphoria Blues” by Against Me!. How about Bikini Girl’s “Rebel Girl” or Kendrick Lamar’s “Alright.” And probably the most classic of all time, Bob Dylan’s war protest, “Blowin’ in the Wind.”
Love Songs serve to connect two people during the dating and partnership phase of their lives. In fact, romantic love is one of the most enduring themes in music throughout the ages.
Lullabies that parents sing to their infants promote bonding and a sense of secure attachment on the part of that infant.
Benefits to the Individual
Lest we labor too long and veer too far off the point of this piece, let’s briefly address all of the individual benefits of music.
Better learning: There’s no dearth of studies showing that students and adults both benefit from music as they study and learn new things. The music of Mozart, for example, improves math skills. Simply put, music engages the brain and makes those synapses get in gear.
Better Memory: Listening to classical music engages the memory sections of the brain. People memorize faster and retain what they have memorized longer.
Mood Regulation and Elevation: Music helps to lower anxiety and stress. It lowers the production of cortisol, the stress hormone in the brain. It can also reinforce an existing mood. Suppose a relationship has just gone down the tubes, and you want to have a self-pity party. Listen to sad music about breakups, and your little party can last as long as you want. But if you want to end that party, what do you do? Put on some upbeat music that has you dancing around your house.
It’s Energizing: Anyone who has ever been in their car, rolled down their windows, and blasted their favorite upbeat music will attest to the fact that they have a surge of energy that makes the world seem better and brighter. They are ready to tackle!
And while we’re at it, why does everyone at the gym have their earbuds in? Because the music they have chosen boosts their performance, that’s why.
So, what does all of this have to do with dating, you ask? As Henry Wadsworth Longfellow once said, “Listen my children, and you shall hear.”
Music and Couple Dating
When it’s just the two of you, all of the collective and individual benefits of music can come into play to strengthen your connection and help to bond the two of you. Consider these sample scenarios:
An In-Home Date Cooking Dinner Together
This, of itself, is a bonding experience. But music that you both love makes it even better. Put on a playlist of your favorite upbeat songs, and sing together as you cook. Once the meal is ready and you sit down to eat, light some candles, pour some wine, and change that playlist to softer, more romantic music. The night is yet young, and getting in the mood for what may come next is warranted.
Movie Soundtracks You Both Love
You both may have a couple of romantic or compelling movies that you have seen and loved. Off the bat, “Somewhere in Time” and “Out of Africa” come to mind as pretty timeless flicks. Make a playlist of those soundtracks. Then, while you are cuddling on the couch with some wine or other favorite beverage, put them on. Guaranteed to result in better things to come. Better yet? Play that soundtrack while your bedroom activities bloom.
Having Fun Together
Dating is not all quiet romance. Couples who play together tend to stay together. If you are at one or the other’s spaces, and you are feeling a bit bored or tired after a long workday, now is the time for dancin.’ Get that playlist out, turn up the volume, and have at it right in the living room. Mutual mood elevation is its own reward and will have you both energized and feeling great.
Online Romance
You may have connected and begun a relationship via an online dating service such as the Taimi app. No need to forego the power of music on that relationship. Use the video chat feature as you both get into bed at night, and play your favorite most romantic music to each other as you fall off to sleep. It doesn’t get any better when two people cannot be physically together.
Your Takeaway
Music feeds the soul, the mind, and the body. And it feeds relationships as they begin, grow, and develop into something beautiful. There is power in music, my friend. Find that power and use it.
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