Donald Trump interview on industrial music: ‘Throbbing who?’
Donald Trump interview on industrial music: 'Throbbing who?'
For April Fool’s Day, we were torn between the silent industrial idea and this fabricated Donald Trump interview. The silent industrial one made the cut – this one didn’t. But it felt like a shame to let it go unpublished. So here you go.
In a baffling turn of events, former President Donald Trump agreed to sit down with Side-Line Magazine for an exclusive interview on a topic he claims to know “more about than anyone, maybe ever”: industrial music. What followed was a whirlwind of half-formed thoughts, imaginary achievements, and enough caps-lock energy to power a complete Ministry set.
With the confidence of a man who tried to buy Greenland and the musical taste of a drunk Baboon, Trump delivered a masterclass in how to be loudly, proudly wrong. From inventing industrial music in his “blender phase” to recommending border protection via Rob Zombie playlists, this is the conversation no one asked for – yet somehow, everyone needed. Buckle up. This is what happens when industrial meets real estate.
SL: Mr. Trump, thanks for joining us. Today we’re discussing industrial music.
Donald Trump: Thank you. Love it. The best music. People don’t know this, but I invented industrial music. Before anyone else. I was doin’ it in the ‘80s at Mar-a-Lago with a fax machine and a broken blender. Tremendous sound. Very powerful. VERY industrial.
SL: You’re saying you invented industrial music?
Trump: I did. I called it Trumpwave. It was like regular music, but tougher. Stronger. No whining, no losers. Just machines and WINS. I used to slam a typewriter and yell “YOU’RE FIRED!” into a mic – Uuuge crowds, everybody was there. Reagan came once. True story.
SL: Have you listened to artists like Throbbing Gristle?
Trump: Throbbing who? Sounds like somethin’ from a bad date. I don’t listen to that. I listen to winners – Kid Rock, Ted Nugent, that guy with the chainsaw. But if Gristle’s throbbing, you should prob’ly call a doctor. Fast.
SL: What do you think about the genre’s themes – alienation, anti-capitalism, dystopia?
Trump: Anti-capitalism? Sad! Only broke people hate capitalism. Industrial should be about JOBS. I said it – Jobswave. Dystopia? We HAD one. It was called the Obama administration. I fixed that. I said, let’s blast White Zombie from tanks – keeps everybody in line. Worked great. The generals LOVED it.
SL: Some say industrial music is very political. Thoughts?
Trump: Oh, it’s political alright – but they’ve got the WRONG politics. Should be makin’ songs like “Drain the Swampcore”. I told Kanye once, “You go industrial, you take Wisconsin.” Didn’t listen. Sad!
SL: Let’s check a few more bands. What’s your opinion on Front 242?
Trump: Front what? Sounds like a license plate. Are they French? Belgian? I don’t trust Belgians – too neutral. But the number 242? Very symmetrical. Very binary. Might be my new campaign slogan. FRONT 242 – GET IN LINE.
SL: Skinny Puppy?
Trump: Skinny Puppy? Sounds like something Ivanka would’ve had as a kid. But dark. Real dark. I heard one of their tracks – sounded like an MRI machine having a seizure. Very strong. Very medical. Could be useful for interrogations. I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.
SL: What about The Sisters of Mercy?
Trump: Sisters of Mercy – great name. Sounds religious, but goth. I like that. Dark churches. Candles. Very atmospheric. Not sure what they’re merciful about, but I assume they vote Republican. I like sisters who pray AND wear sunglasses indoors. Total power move.
SL: How about Depeche Mode?
Trump: Electropop. Too many keyboards, not enough guns. But I like the name. Sounds French. Very classy. I once stayed in a Depeche Mode suite in Vegas – mirrors on the ceiling, red lights. Not industrial, but very… stimulating.
SL: Erasure maybe?
Trump: Oh boy. Very gay. Extremely. But catchy. Very catchy. I heard “A Little Respect” once, thought it was about me. I give a LOT of respect. To the right people. Not to the fake news. But I’ll say this – Erasure has ENERGY. And confetti. A LOT of confetti. Not enough borders, though.
SL: Do you know any lyrics from industrial tracks?
Trump: Of course. One of my favorites is by Rammstein – great guys, very fiery, very German. Strong chins. I think the lyrics go, “BOOM BOOM, VROOM VROOM, TRUMP TRUMP.” Maybe I heard it wrong, but it felt right. Very poetic. Like steel poetry.
SL: What’s your take on Nine Inch Nails and Trent Reznor?
Trump: Nine Inch Nails? Why nine? I build skyscrapers with four-inch nails. Stronger, cheaper, more American. As for Reznor – never met him, never will. Very negative energy. Probably jealous. I’ve got ten toenails anyhow. That’s one more than him. Uuuge edge. He should get slammed with US tariffs.
SL: If you released an industrial album, what would it be called?
Trump: Easy. “Covfefe Core”. It’s already trending. Very misunderstood genre – just like me. I’d sample myself: rallies, speeches, helicopter sounds, the crowd chanting “LOCK HER UP.” Put it all on wax. Win a Grammy, maybe two.
SL: Final thoughts on industrial music?
Trump: It’s gritty, it’s LOUD, it’s orange. Just like Trump. We’re bringing it back. Bigger, better, AMERICAN. And always remember: “NOISE IS FREEDOM. SILENCE IS SOCIALISM.” Tweet it. Truth Social it. Tattoo it.
Editor’s note: We did. X suspended us. Truth Social gave us a VIP badge.
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